Loving oneself is a hard task, especially when you are from a society which promotes “First you” ideology. Since our childhood, we are taught to be someone who is acceptable in the eyes of the society and family; and to fulfill that requirement, most of us have forgotten what it is like to do something for ourselves. Now built into someone who always works hard to please others, we have stopped to wait and analyze what it is doing to us – doing to our real self.
The title might say that this article will help you find out How To Love Yourself, but I am going to have a little talk about how to be true to yourself. Both might seem different, but actually, loving yourself and being yourself – both are the same. You can not love yourself unless you know who you are, what you can do, and what you lack.
How To Love Yourself First
Answer these questions for yourself –
- Can you really love yourself when your mind is at a war with itself?
- How can you do what you love when you don’t let go of “what others will think”?
- If you have to choose between your self-respect and doing something that might save your friendship, what will you choose?
- Have you ever had a positive role model to look up to who tells you that you need to think about yourself first?
- How can one love themselves and think anything but bad about themselves when their environment is toxic and depressing?
Why are these questions important? They might seem like some random questions that a random stranger has asked to you; but in a deeper context, they will show you how much you lack when it comes to a self-boost.
How To Start Loving Yourself
Self-respect and self-esteem are two words that describe one’s self-love.
Let me explain this by giving you an example. When you are talking about your father, how do you describe your love for them? Do you say you show them your love by respecting them? Of course, the first step to show or portray your love to someone is by showing them respect. And not just showing – actually respecting them from the bottom of your heart. You can never think about not respecting someone that you love. And that goes the same with yourself. So, it is important to respect yourself before you start Learning How To Love Yourself.
If you don’t respect yourself, then how can you love yourself?
Self-esteem – another word for self-respect – means having confidence in one’s own worth and abilities. Note that I am not talking about ego here. It is a bad version of having good self-esteem. You want to be someone who keeps their head high, mid clear, and heart loving. You must not let someone bring you down just by saying that you cannot do a certain thing because they don’t like it. If your choices are not up to their standard, it is not your fault. You must do what you want to do, and be happy with what you have.
How To Love Yourself More
In my years so far, I have noticed that many (including myself), tend to look for a partner who can help us seem worthy. But, my question is, why do we need someone else to validate us? Are we not sufficient in ourselves? Would we not be happier if we asked ourselves about how we look, and how we do a certain thing?
Depending on someone else for validation and for love is something that is built in us since birth. “Oh! you did great job building that blocks tower, we are so proud of your”, mothers say. “You got an A in your finals? Very good!”, Fathers say. “Your red shirt doesn’t look good on you, you shouldn’t wear it”, girlfriend says. All these comments, statements, and compliments have made us what we are today.
How we listen to them and act on them defines how much we depend on them. Getting an A and making your parents proud leads to you work harder on your studies. Throwing away that redshirt because your girlfriend doesn’t like it even though you loved it dearly will not do you any good.
So, maintaining how you feel about any compliment or criticism will build how you see yourself. If you will always feel bad about yourself when someone criticizes you, you are going to end up in a pit – and once in a pit, it is hard to get out. You must analyze yourself when one gives you a compliment or criticizes you. Try to figure what made them like you and what got them into thinking that they can say bad things about you. Acting out is never a solution. Try to become a better person and don’t worry what others will say or think about you.
How To Love Yourself And Be Confident
There is a mantra that most influencers and life-coaches share in their teachings and that is “Be yourself if you want to become better”. And that is true in all aspects.
Here are some tips that I personally live by:
- Keep in mind that self-esteem is about knowing your worth. But just knowing is never enough, you must accept the fact that you actually have those talents. Accept who you are, try to become your better self, and practice this daily.
- Start a routine. It may include exercising, yoga, or any other form of physical activities. This habit will not only detox your body but will also detox your mind. You will have a lighter mood, and hence will be able to think better for yourself.
- Don’t seek acceptance from others, instead accept yourself. You yourself are someone who can and should judge you. If you find it hard to see the good things in yourself, build those qualities. Do what makes you happy and accept yourself. Give yourself the approval you seek from others.
- Focus on self-regulation and change your negative thought into positives. The hardest part while walking on a path of self-love is to regulate some of your thoughts and actions. Even though you don’t want to, there are bound to be some thoughts that might bring you down. But you have to strive, channel those thoughts into positiveness, and bring your better self out.
- If you think that it is hard for you to work on your outstanding issues, then you can consider visiting for therapy. Some find the environment and support of the therapist to open up and get answers to their questions that they are not able to answer themselves.
Quotes About Loving Yourself
While watching some movies, you get a feeling where what the character is saying touches your heart. It could be Batman, The Godfather, or Cinderella, the situations that the characters are in and their thought process makes us understand the true meaning behind their words.
For me, these quotes from my favorite chick flicks have become a sort of a mantra to help me when I am feeling down.
Letting yourself feel demotivated because someone just commented on your looks is not a way to be happy. To start loving yourself, you have to rise above the criticism, need to please others, and self-harm.
So, what do you think will be your approach towards getting better at self-love?